No need to hide

Yesterday I spent two delightful hours doing something I had only dreamed of for years. I went by myself to my very favorite place in the whole, wide world. The beach. There is a beach down the road that isn't usually super crowded; in fact, I was there alone most of my time there. I laid in the sun and swam in the water and no one was needing me, and everyone I love was safe and otherwise occupied. I listened to the water and the seagulls, and was warm and oh-so-happy.

Toward the end of my blissful time a family of four came to see the lake. They were obviously tourists. This, I knew from the fact that they were fully clothed. They obviously were here to look at our fantastic body of water rather than dive in. As I laid there with my eyes shut, I picked up on their conversation. Only the parents were talking and this is much of what I heard: "Palmer, lay down. NO! Lay back on your towel! Not like that! Relax your arms! Lay ALL the way back. Stop fidgeting! Now, close your eyes, Palmer! I said, lay DOWN! I don't care if you don't want to! Hold still! NOW, SMILE!".
Apparently, Palmer had finally laid back on his beach towel to look like he was relaxing at the beach. The camera snapped shut, and off they went.

I couldn't help but chuckle to myself as I remembered a moment or two of just wishing my kids would look happy for a picture. In a field full of sunflowers (and BEES), when the pictures could have been perfect, but no one was really having any fun. I was too busy making it look pretty to care how my kids were really feeling.


Now, when I look at those pictures I remember the frustration of that day instead of seeing the beauty. I bet I know what Palmer will remember when he looks at his beach picture. I doubt he will think of it fondly!
I'm sure all these pictures would have been much better had I stopped my kids from posing with perfect smiles, and captured them scrambling from the bees. And if only Palmer's parents wouldn't have forced him to pretend to sunbathe, but just snapped a shot of him staring in awe at the water.

As I relaxed there on the beach, I remembered being in a car on the way to church, once upon a time, with my parents in what was surely day three or so of some nasty fight between them that was continuing in the car. I distinctly remember my mom, still with her angry face on, turning around to say to my sister and I, "We are almost to church. Everyone put your happy family face on!". And she meant it. And we did.

There's freedom in living authentically.

Authentic: adj. true to one's own personality, spirit, character.

There are situations in this life in which we feel compelled to be something we are not. What are we hiding from?

I recall a time when a close friend of mine told me that she appreciated being able to talk to me "for real." That there were just things she didn't want to talk to her friends from church about. These were real life issues and struggles and those were the friends she spend most of her time with. But, she didn't feel safe enough with them to let them see what was messy.

I was reading a book this week and the author was describing how each of the characters was hiding behind something. One hid behind the way she dressed. Another hid because no one really knew the truth about her. One worked so hard at being the life of the party that she hid right out in the open so no one got to get past the surface. One hid behind her hard work.

I know I've spent my fair share of time hiding. It's much easier to do what it takes to keep the front up than to trust that it's safe to feel how I really feel. The older I get, the less important that fake front has become. I'm finding that I'd rather not waste my time and energy around people that I can't be authentic with. I have spent many decades coming to grips with the Alison that God made me to be. I have been shaped and molded by Him just this way. And it's just got to be enough.

Certain groups of people demand certain behaviors. I find that exhausting and I tend to stay away from those things as much as possible. For instance, company parties. Since my husband is in the industry he is in, there are certain functions I've had to attend over the years. Can I just say, I hate them. Strong word, I know. But I really hate them. Why? Well, I get into clothes that I will be thrilled to peel off at the end of the night to stand around and make small talk with folks I don't know, probably will rarely see again, and don't have anything in common with. When the dinner comes, I will hardly enjoy eating it because I'm too worried that, as usual, I will spill something, or accidentally spit a bit of food at someone while I'm talking to them, or of course, have spinach between my front teeth the whole time but no real friends to tell me it's there.

Now, why would I want to do this socially correct night, when I could be hanging with true friends, laughing like crazy, playing euchre and eating tons of junk food, and not caring if they see me being stupid because I know they love me anyway?

So, I ask myself, and I ask you: What am I hiding behind? When do I most feel the need to put on a front? Am I really living authentically?

You know, it's exactly what seemed to frustrate Jesus, too. He really got irritated at anyone who was so busy trying to create an image, even one of trying to be super holy that He publicly called them out!

Matthew 27-28: "You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You're like manicured grave plots, grass clipped and the flowers bright, but six feet down it's all rotting bones and worm-eaten flesh. People look at you and think you're saints, but beneath the skin you're total frauds."
Ouch!

He chose to hang with real people who were trying to get a hold of what it was that He had. People who didn't have all the answers. People who were too short, or didn't have a popular job, or had physical defects. They were living their need right out in the open.
There was room for Him there.

I don't know about you, but I want to leave room for Him. Even if it means I don't look perfect and may not have everything all together. I think it's going to be a daily challenge, but I want more of what He's got to offer.




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The good news is...

Talk about a crazy few weeks...

Due to Justin's car accident, business travel, and a trip to Mississippi I have hardly had a decent conversation with my husband for several weeks. This is NOT like us. We talk about everything, but sometimes life crowds out the living, doesn't it?

The good news is...my son is home! (Cue the parade.)
Yes, as soon as it sinks in, I'll probably be seen doing cartwheels across our front yard.
He is home and he is at peace in his spirit. He is surrounded by love and filled with hope, and we haven't seen that in him in some time. He brings with him much wisdom and we marvel at how our God is a just-in-time God. (Note the clever little play on words with Justin's name right there.) There is a confidence in my son's step that could have only come from the road he walked, mostly alone, for the better part of a year. And the way he hears from His God shouldn't shock me, but it does.

We have had some challenges this last month. That may just be the understatement of the year. I have walked around showing some sparkly hairs to my family asking which one of them is responsible for the latest addition.

The good news is...I see how taken care of I am by my heavenly Daddy in a million ways despite the trials. I wish I could find the words to describe.
Each challenging situation we faced threw us back a step for a minute, but then all of a sudden, we were seeing how what looked like rejection was really God's protection and His redirection. It's really all in the way you look at it.

I'm not trying to beat a dead horse. I know I already wrote about perspective, and I know I've reiterated recently about being thankful for even the things we don't want to be thankful for like laundry and bills. When money fairly flew out of our pockets this month for vehicle repairs we wanted to do some serious complaining! But, those repairs safely brought our son home. And God provided. That's some good news!

There's a slight possibility that I could maybe possibly be a bit irritating or Pollyanna-esque once in a great while when someone around me needs to tell me their difficulty with something and I chime in with a "Well, the good news is..." statement. I understand that sometimes, though that cloud may have a silver lining, it's more fun to stand in the rain.


That may be why the bracelet challenge kinda trickled away. I admit, while I was in the midst of my very long thirty days, I just wanted to say what I needed to say and let it all out. But what does that really accomplish? My wallowing doesn't really make me feel better. In fact, it just makes me muddier. And makes more work when it's time to get out.

That's why I'm always looking for the good news. If the dog just pooped on the floor, the good news is it wasn't on the carpet! If the dryer broke, the good news is it's summer time and clothes can hang outside for now. If money is tight, the good news is we have a job and hope of the next paycheck. If I lost my cool and spoke in anger, the good news is I can ask for forgiveness.

I double-dog dare you to be borderline annoying this week with your family and friends, and with every negative thing you hear add some good news. And every time you feel overwhelmed by a situation you feel like you can't handle, look for some good news. I realize there are situations that aren't so easy to make light of. Quite honestly, I've had some heavy ones too this month that were not so easy to find the good news in.
There was good news, though. I couldn't avoid it. No matter how bleak the moment feels, I can have hope because of what I know is true. Even when every human fails me, I am deeply loved. There is Someone who hears me--even when I'm nasty to listen to. He has good planned for me. It's a promise because we love each other. His mercies are brand new every morning. That's some really good news.

You make me smile...

Make--verb
1. to cause someone to be or become
2. to cause to happen to or be experienced by someone

"You make me smile," I said to my husband as I looked at the face I have loved for so long. Honestly, most days just seeing him makes my face happy. Granted, there are moments where the thought of mustering up a smile for him would take more than I've got. In that case, I would say, "You make me so mad!"

The phrase, "You make me...(fill in the blank)" kind of struck me.

We have some power to cause some things to happen. I could walk into my daughter's room right now and in ten seconds flat, make her feel inadequate. All it would take would be to list some things she failed to accomplish, no matter how insignificant. Maybe she didn't put away her nail polish or her shoes--AGAIN. Maybe she left the garage door open.
Quite honestly, these things do come out of my mouth too frequently. Perhaps, my words and feelings are justified. After all, my "job" is to keep things in order and when someone isn't assisting me in that process, I tend to point it out.

Perhaps, I sometimes miss the forest for the trees.

I mean, my children, are amazingly brilliant, thoughtful, giving, considerate people and so maybe they just don't see that some of the things they do makes more work for me.

But maybe it's just because they are so busy becoming incredible. Maybe I should concentrate on coming in for the assist.

When they were precious little people with which I spent my every day, we played and danced and laughed together. Some days, we got caught up in the mundane. I would be making lunch and bringing it out to my cutie-pies all sitting around the table waiting for Momma to give them their PB-J's and carrot sticks and no one was smiling or talking. Not for any reason, just no one had anything to say. All of a sudden, I would break out into hysterical laughter for no reason at all. They would look at each other with huge, startled eyes and then at Momma, who certainly had gone crazy! But as I continued, they had to join me. They couldn't help it. I made them laugh. And we would laugh until we cried and our bellies hurt, and it changed the course of the day.

What kind of power, in the lives of those I love, do I want to have today?

I am an observer. I process things slowly. I'm convinced this is why I was never good at any kind of sport. You have to think quickly in a game in order to do well. I have watched people and have seen them struggle with various issues. Both my parents were very depressed people. Having been around them a lot I can tell you that it had the tendency to make me feel depressed. I figured I had two choices: to continue the pattern and allow that to infect me, or to turn the other direction and make the choice to be different.
I chose a 180. What this meant to me was I had to choose to be a positive thinker, and I had to think about more than just myself.
I am convinced that the main reason people are negative and struggling mentally is due to self-absorption. And I can be guilty on any given day. When most of what comes out of my mouth is "I" or "me," it's gonna be a rough day for everyone around me. When I wake up and make the choice to be a servant to those I love, or make the effort to brighten someone else's day it makes all of the difference. Turns out to be a great day. The kind where I feel satisfied when my head hits the pillow.

I have recently watched a few episodes of the show Secret Millionaire. The concept is that a pretty spoiled millionaire is put into a rough part of town for a few days without all their usual accoutrements and volunteers for local charities. At the end of their volunteer time, they give away thousands of their own dollars to worthy charities. The process is what I find fascinating. During this time, these folks have to think about someone who hasn't had life easy, and put themselves in some less desirable shoes. They have to give of themselves and in the process their heart is opened up. At the end of each show, they feel great about themselves for having given so much money away, and it reminds me every time of why Jesus said to give secretly. Quickly, the giving can turn the giver into a hero and frankly, that's not supposed to be the point. Yes, it feels great to get that teary, Thank you!" but we are not supposed to need the credit. The point is that it isn't all about me.

Our family loves to give in secret. I refuse to be specific, but there's nothing like knowing there is a need somewhere, and blessing someone quietly. It forces us to be willing to give God the credit for providing instead of allowing us to feel like a hero.

Don't you think it might be time to make someone's day brighter. It's as easy as holding the door for someone, or giving an elderly person a minute of conversation, or smiling at the grumpy cashier. It might be quietly meeting someone's need or just breaking into hysterical laughter. Just consider thinking outside of yourself today. I guarantee, it will make you smile.

My God is in control

There is nothing like a snuggled-up-puppy sigh to make the world all better.

This morning as I watch my big, strong son sleep near me on an air mattress with his doggy curled up beside him "taking care of him," I am so thankful.

Yesterday, he was in a car accident 1000 miles from home. He hydroplaned and flew through the air off an embankment and landed on the nose of his car. After regaining consciousness, in much confusion, he somehow drove to his residence and a few hours later he took two planes all the way home to his family to rest and recuperate.
The details of the accident are pretty frightening. He narrowly missed another car and a telephone pole and flew in the air 30 ft. according to a witness. He woke up with his foot on the gas pedal and his face bleeding on the steering wheel not sure how he got there.

After trials too numerous to count at his place in MS, he was feeling a bit defeated. This was the proverbial straw that did the camel in.

Sometimes, you just need to rest in the arms of those who love you most. So he is home for that very reason. We want to think we can do it all ourselves, but we weren't made that way.

Who knows what my day could have looked like yesterday had God not intervened!

Yup. His car is in rough shape. Yup. He is shaken. Yup. My God is in control.

I have watched him face trial after trial after trial while living down south. I've heard, "I'm fine" enough to last me a lifetime--and then some. He has drawn into His Father's arms after epic wrestling matches with Him. He has learned more about life and himself in eight months there than any nineteen year old I know.

Now, he needs to breathe and seek and be.

Have you watched birds at all? They collect and build nests and argue amongst themselves. They also fly. And doesn't it look like they enjoy it? They play in the currents in the air and soar and swoop effortlessly. If a bird senses danger, he no longer floats with the wind. He quickly turns and flies into it. That opposing air gives him height, sends him higher and faster.

A trial isn't really such a problem if we let it take us higher--closer to our Creator.

Why is life such a struggle sometimes? Challenges and trials, and let's face it, really unfair stuff can feel like they are drowning us sometimes.
Who is to blame? Can we turn it on God, and say if He was loving He wouldn't allow it? Well, a lot of folks do. But here's a bigger question: do we really think God owes us an explanation for why He's allowed us to suffer? Last I checked He is God. That means He sees a bigger picture than I ever could. That means that He has a plan and it's for my good.

Justin almost hit a deer twice last week and a dog. Three very close calls. In yesterday's accident if he had been in any other car than his (a former police car built like a tank), I don't believe he could have survived.
When I asked God what was going on, He simply said three words to me, "I protected him."
Enough said.

What kind of God do we serve? A loving One. Do we think God owes us an explanation of why He's allowed us to suffer? Do we think He must give us an accounting? We speak of God Almighty. And I will say to you what He said to Job: 'Where wast thou when I laid the foundations of the earth? Declare if thou hast understanding."
God never told Job why He let him suffer, but don't doubt that God is God and that He hears each word you utter, knows each thought. His plans may never be revealed to you fully, at least not in this life, but it's not yours to question. You must accept the sovereignty of God and trust in His goodness even when everything around you feels the opposite. He will bring glory to Himself through you if you let Him. And as our Creator, isn't that the greatest gift He can give?*

So, today, I am grateful for the little things. A hug, a smile, a conversation, a doggy happier than I've ever seen to love a boy.
God is faithful. And He is in control.

"I'm not sure life is supposed to be easy. After a life of ease, one might be surprised to find God's there at all."*



*Excerpts from Whisper on the Wind by Maureen Lang

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Aging and exercising

I HATE EXERCISE!!! With a passion. I just returned from a morning bike ride with my husband, and I must constantly try to find reasons that feeling like this could ever be worth it again tomorrow.
I look (and smell) like something the cat dragged in, and that is something I know is true after having lived for seventeen years with the toughest cat in the world who frequently drags all manner of disgustin' things in.
This kitty has no front claws, is ancient for an outside cat and still hunts successfully almost every day. His name is Rajah and he is convinced he is royalty. Somehow, he inspires me.

All my life, when forced to exercise I've waited for that adrenaline rush that certain folks who do this for fun tell me happens, and that great euphoria upon completion. Yeah. I'm convinced that's a big, fat lie. The only euphoria I feel is the moment I get home and I pretty much kiss the dirt because I'm still alive.

I am, however, trying with everything in me to choose to look at it with a positive outlook. Kinda like when I'm paying a bill, instead of being resentful for the ridiculous amount of money going into someone else's pocket, I say (sometimes through clenched teeth), "Thank You, Lord, that I have the money to pay this bill."
So, "Thank You, Lord, that I have a healthy body that is able to walk and ride bikes. No matter how much I hate doing it."

We watch TV at our house about once a month. We choose not to pay for cable. When we first moved into this house about 9 years ago, we opted out of paying for cable. We stayed TV-less for close to two years. Let me tell you, we spent more fun time together in those years! The kids played more, Christian and I laughed together as we played Yahtzee and Cribbage every night. It was lovely. Before we left on the big trip last year, we cut our cable again and haven't had it since. We have local channels and can watch movies and it has been a blessing.
Anyway, the other night we happened to catch a show about extreme weight loss and there was this guy, Wally, who was 490 lbs. and on this amazing plan to lose half of that weight. His trainer put him on a bike midway through his weight loss to ride 100 miles! The man was 365 pounds and it was one hundred and eleven degrees outside and, God bless him, he made it forty miles before he collapsed.

Christian's grandpa, whom we love dearly, is well into his eighties and has always walked several miles per day. He also rides his bike all over our city whenever possible. That is beyond amazing!

So, as I ride my few little miles this morning, I find myself inspired by Wally and Grandpa. And Rajah. If they can do it, I really need to quit whining.

I'm getting older. It's an ugly fact. My body is mushy where it was never mushy before. I have some sparkly hairs on my head hiding under brown ones. Not okay.
Next week, the most important day of the year is coming up. I am reminding my family daily that it's coming, and it's time to get excited!!
It's a day when a new number gets attached to my identity. It's also a day where I am reminded of my mortality. Darn it.

I can't help the number that is my age. I can control how gracefully I handle it. I refuse to act my age. What fun would that be? I always want to be healthy and fun and do the things I do now like tube down the river and go geocaching and swim in the big waves and ride my bike and laugh and play and be grateful for every moment and my ability to participate in it.

Psalm 18:29
For by You I can run against a troop,
By my God I can leap over a wall.



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Deep thoughts on a summer day...

We had some great conversation the other night with some of the people in this world that we are the very closest to. These are friends that come from all different backgrounds, have differing political views, are at different stages in their lives, yet we relate remarkably well. In fact, these are friendships that have survived major storms, and have come out the other side just as strong. These are the kind you hold onto with all you've got because they are made of real stuff.

First, we all laughed like crazy for hours about nothing and everything and all of a sudden we found ourselves in a deep and meaningful conversation about our faith. That is our common denominator; the tie that binds. 
What is interesting is that each one of us has been hurt or turned off by "religion". Each of us have had to find our own path to the One Who loves us despite all that's been done in His name. I know we are not alone.

Since the first sin when some folks decided to do things their own way and leave God out of the process, mankind has been busy doing what they think should be done instead of the simplicity God intended. All He looked for was for His creation to walk in the garden with Him, enjoy the beauty (and food) He created for them, and spend time with Him. 
And then we botched that all up!

Over the next few thousand years we asked for laws and kings and created a religiosity, based on a need for control--a set of rules which creates a hierarchy and levels of achievement. Law is, after all, cleaner and something to be understood and calculated. 
It is much easier in one way to follow a system than to grasp the concept of grace.
But, Jesus, Himself, was completely disgusted with that religion. Man had once again, turned from the concept of walking hand in hand with Him and instead found our own way to do things. So, He chose to hang with the folks with questions and yearnings, and openly spoke against the ones who claimed to have all the answers. 
He offered up Himself as a road to grace. A path to accept a relationship. Grace is really so simple that it's complicated. Listen to this message sometime. It has changed me.

So, we talked the other night, about what being a Christian is in today's world. As I've written before, those of us who fall in that category have done a fantastic job of ruining that name. Think for a minute of someone you know that doesn't want any part of Christianity. Why? 
Please, no hate mail, but we have created a club-like atmosphere that says we are in and you are out. We have the answers and you don't. This is what religion should look and sound like, and we need to teach you how to be more like us.
This is not my attempt to be judgmental. This truly breaks my heart. Like my husband says, Christians spend so much time trying to tell the world how much we love God instead of letting our living show how much He loves us! Less talk, more action. 
How do I represent? Do people listen to my words because my life shows how loved I am? 
It's a question we who fall under the label "Christian" better be asking ourselves. Are we showing what we are saying? If the ten people we interact most with in a week were asked based on our behavior only, how have we represented? 
It's got to be more than words.
Way fewer words, much more living it out.

What "it" is cannot be grasped. It is mind-boggling, yet so very simple. There is no thing we can do to earn or achieve it. It is extended to us freely, without cost. Striving to DO or BE has to be thrown away. Throw out all Christian rules, words, programs, standards, studies, churches, leaders, and what's left?
A Savior and His naked creation.
We either desire with all of our hearts to seek His hand and hold on throughout every day, or we let go of it and do things our own way.
We come naked and empty-handed or we don't come at all.



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My newest baby...

Nope, it's not a puppy or a grand baby. Nothing so exciting as that. I started my next project. A cooking blog.

The idea took shape in my head as my sweet husband encouraged me to spend some time thinking about what I like to do. This is the time in my life where I'm allowing myself to think about how I want to spend my days now that there is a bit more wiggle room in them. A bit, mind you. I love eating, but that in itself wouldn't be much fun to share. But, since I love eating, I also love cooking so combining that with writing seemed only logical.

God has given me a vehicle for my writing and I love writing this blog with all my heart. It will most definitely continue as He gives me words to say. Now, the kid sister is coming along in an effort to document my recipes for my children as well as letting me share some of what I've learned in the kitchen all these years. Plus, I get to explore photography a bit more as well as food presentation which I love.

So, here it is. You can access it through this blog, I will post links on Facebook, or the address is alisonsfood.blogspot.com. Please be patient with me as I get my feet wet. Try some recipes and let me know what you think in the comment section of the blog, and if you like my blogs, follow them! You can do this at the top of each blog post. And most of all, enjoy!



  Open your mouth and taste, open your eyes and see—
           how good God is.
    Blessed are you who run to him. Psalm 34:8