How do I love you? Let me count the ways...

As only the sappiest of saps can do, in a few days, my sweet man and I will celebrate our dating anniversary. I use the term "celebrate" loosely because we don't even really "celebrate" our wedding anniversary. Certainly not because we find it unworthy of celebration, but we just don't tend to do anything normal so why that, either?

Frankly, I would be mad at Christian if he bought me jewelry or roses or took me to a fancy restaurant. That's just not us. At some point, he is threatening to lay down some cash and buy me what he calls a "real ring" since I'm still proudly sporting the "diamond" he bought me with his first real paycheck and with which he proposed. It's no rock, and I think it embarrasses him, but to me, it tells our story. It's where we came from. It's how far God brought us! And, I don't mean financially. I mean from two kids who didn't have a clue to a place of love and harmony.
See? Sappy.

So, though I hate to say I'm old enough to remember anything from 22 years ago, I do remember a boy who turned my very world upside down.
And, in celebration, over the next few days, I am going to attempt to share 22 things I've learned with you, my faithful readers.

This does not come from a place of claiming, "I have arrived" because just a few minutes ago, we had one of our little moments that make our children roll their eyes and ask if we would just hurry up and make up. We are laughably imperfect, but I do adore that man and think he might just say the same.

So, not necessarily in order of importance, here I go.

22. Make sure it's covered.
I'm referring to refusing to keep secrets. From the beginning, tell each other everything. If you're best friends, this one is a no-brainer. Best friends spend time together and share everything. I can't tell you how many couples I have talked to that keep plenty to themselves. Not cool. If you can't talk it through, you can't work it through.

21. Get a sweater.
In case you didn't know it, it is a proven fact that the temperature of the room or car is a huge bickering point. Usually, she's cold and blasts the heat, and he's sweltering and getting irritated. So, girls, bring a blankie until he gets closer to middle age and starts to feel the same chill you've been telling him about your whole life. Then you can smile when he wants to share your blankie and he's the one to wonder why the thermostat is set so low.

20. Use a Q-tip.
Listen up. In this world of rectangles (all things with screens) eye contact seems to be a rare commodity, and with it goes true listening. All anyone wants is to matter. Though it has been claimed that women have some 20,000 words to spend in a day and men only 7,000, if we choose you to share them with please honor the most you can with clean ears.
And, for the record, I highly contest those statistics. Anyone who knows a loquacious, verbose, Kirksey male will agree.

19. Keepin' it PG
Ladies, never, for any reason, buy granny underwear.
That is simply all I'm gonna say about that.

18. Above the belt.
Having seen fights that cross lines, we decided early on to draw lines and stick to them. And we have. It is possible. Fights never get physical. And they never hit below the belt emotionally either. Stick to the issue at hand. And speaking of fighting...

17. Stay up really late.
We have renewed this promise to each other recently because, well, we got older and sleep becomes boss sometimes when your old. But, it shouldn't. Solomon was pretty smart and he reminded us to resolve things before we sleep. I guess with all those wives, he knew what the day after felt like if there had been a unresolved issue. Not cool. And let's just admit, it is sometimes just a way to punish someone to let the problem sit so long it starts stinkin'. Get it over with, but remember #18 even when you're really, really tired.

16. Never say "never".
Never say "you always", "you never" or "divorce".
Or the grandaddy of all, "You're just like your mother." Ever.
Seriously, when you fight, avoid statements that begin with the word "you" unless they are super big compliments.

15. It's all about you.
In that moment where your heart is pounding 'cause you're so mad, and you wondered if you were insane to ever choose your spouse in the first place, pray for them.
Ha! You're gonna pray through gritted teeth and it will start something like, "Fine, I'll pray. I'll pray a big brick falls on their head so some sense gets knocked into them!" But, it's a proven fact (by me, anyway) that you cannot stay mad at someone you're praying for. Try praying that God will shower them with His love and peace and give Him permission to work in your marriage.
Then try this one, "Search me, O God. Try me and know my thoughts. See if there is any wicked way in me and lead me in the path of righteousness." Ouch.
Don't hate. It works. And if you are serious at all about your relationship, you'll try it whether he/she does or not.

14. Slow dance.
(Pretty self-explanatory)

To be continued...

Momma-isms

As I get older, I find I'm having moments where little snippets from my childhood are coming back to me at random moments. My dad was such a goofball, and had a million little things he said that made us all laugh--at least the first 150 or so times he said them. Those little "Ralph-isms" keep coming up in my speech and even in my husband's here and there, and warming my heart. As a matter of fact, I even hear them come out the mouth of my oldest now and then. We can all smile now as we remember that side of my dad. Surely, God has done a healing work!

Repeating truths is so important. I have verses that have literally gotten me through written on cards and stuck all over my house from the walls to the refrigerator. They're like old friends now that encourage me when I need a lift and remind me when I forget how big my God is. Eventually, they get stuck in my mind.

You will keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You. Isaiah 26:3

The other day I was repeating one of my own phrases that make my children roll their eyes. I have said these things to my children all throughout their lives, and though they roll their eyes now, I'm sure they will find them coming out of their mouths someday! For now, I'm going to write them down--just in case they try to forget!

1. Do the thing until you feel the thing.
This has a couple applications to me. When the kids were really small and someone hurt someone else's feelings, an apology was needed. Oftentimes, one sniffling toddler was made to look the other one in the eye and say a genuine, "I'm sorry." I can just see their little faces as they would look at me and say, "But, I'm not really sorry! Why do I have to say it?"
Well, because sometimes the feelings follow the words. We say we are sorry and sure enough when we see what that meant to somebody else, all of a sudden we realize we did mean it after all! It worked like a charm.
It also makes me think of my little ones who were taught about the goodness of God in our family, but our story hadn't become their own yet. I remember one of my little ones saying, "I want to love Jesus, but I don't really feel it yet."
Again, I would say, "Do the thing until you feel the thing." They learned what love looked like, and claimed it over their little lives before they even realized how powerful those words would be! It wasn't too long before our faith became their own--when the love of God became more than a family belief and was known deep in their very own spirit.

Isn't that true for us? There are so many times in my life, whether I'm working or dealing with a family issue where my heart isn't really where it should be. My words can lead me, though; in a good way or a bad one! Maybe I'm not feeling like I'm brimming over with love for my husband in a given moment, but when I let my words of love lead, feelings can change. We don't want to be led by our emotions. We want to be led by what is truth.

2. A job worth doing is a job worth doing well.
Granted, this one's been around a while, but I say it every time chores are done halfway around here. Isn't it so true, though? Why bother putting the effort in if in the end you can't be proud of it?

3. Never put off for tomorrow what you can do today.
This one goes hand in hand with number two, but has pushed me many times to follow through and finish something I've started when I really wanted to quit. Procrastination is a bad, bad habit and when you do it a little, you can easily begin to do it more often.
Now, this comes in moderation for me. If there is fun to be had playing with my family, I'm a firm believer in enjoying a stolen moment. Work will be there tomorrow!
As a child, too many adults in my life validated themselves by working hard. It was very easy to overlook a child who needed some love and time.
Moments cannot be retrieved.

4. There's nothing you and I can't handle together.
I want my kids to have this one engraved on their hearts. It's so important for them to know that if they bring their stuff to me and their dad, we will help them through it. If they hide things, they go alone and we walk separate paths. Our paths as a family were not meant to be walked alone. We have arms to hold each other up.

5. You do bad things, bad things happen. You do good things, good things happen.
There are things in this world called natural consequences. We can look around at the lives of people around us and see this seemingly obvious truth in every direction. Sometimes, when faced with a temptation we need to be reminded of the outcome. It will most definitely reflect the decision.

6. Do the best you can do. That's all you can do, Kid.
This one is a recycled Ralph-ism. My dad didn't pass on a whole lot of wisdom to me, but this one I remember. He would tell me this when I had a test to take, or was nervous about an upcoming event.
It's really so simple it's almost silly, but it's so true! All we have to offer is our best. If we are being faithful and doing our very best, no one can really expect more, can they? And if we fail after having done our best, we should have no regrets.

My last one is one is just a universal truth known by all who dwell in this home. It helps them keep stay focused and put things in their proper order. It reminds them that secrets are always found out, Daddy will always come to my defense, and there's no use fighting too hard because...

7. Momma always wins.

Isn't that great? So simple, yet so eloquent. I've even made them repeat the rule back to me should they sound like it's fading from their minds.
I really like that one.

I want to hear some of your words! What things do you find yourself repeating as words of wisdom at your house? Please share them as comments here on the blog. I have a feeling there's a lot of wisdom to go around!




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