In which "state" do you live?

We had an interesting conversation the other day. It had to do with the different musical tastes represented by our family members. We decided, just for fun to see what state everyone would live in based on their favorite music styles. We have very eclectic music tastes around here. We listen to so many different styles from Celtic Woman to Bon Jovi, classical to way too loud.
Christian has rhythm in his blood. Ordinary household objects are drums under his hands, so we placed him in Florida so he could enjoy the rhythms of Miami. Addie is drawn to folk-y music so I guess she'd end up in Vermont. Kyrsten likes too many styles to narrow down so we put her in a motorhome so she can just travel from state to state. Justin would live in Hollywood, but not for the reasons you might think. He loves the beauty of an amazingly composed movie soundtrack, so off to California he goes. Me? Well Addie said I'd be in a church because all I listen to is worship music. Ha! So I'll just pick a state somewhere smack-dab in the middle of the Bible Belt. Arkansas?

The funny part of this is that the states we'd end up in based on musical preferences are probably the last places we would truly choose to live in. But there we are.

So this led me to a train of thought (pun intended). I think that many of us find ourselves in different "states" of mind--places we didn't think we chose, but we ended up here anyway. Just as we, in America, physically live in this varied group of fifty states we live in a varied group of mental and emotional states and set up camp. I'll explain...

The first state is called Complacency. It's a place full of folks who are somewhat satisfied with each day being the same ol', same ol'. The weather is generally cloudy, but no one really cares. This state is known for it's unseen and very dangerous quicksand called Ineffectiveness in which people disappear and aren't seen again. Though the resources are plentiful, the people don't produce much because they just don't really care to.

Another state is called Control. This an extremely over-populated state. People flock from all over to this well-planned society. Though organized and efficient, it is also unimaginative and lacks excitement. Each member lives in a lovely box that is carefully designed, but from the outside each box looks the same. People here rarely if ever venture outside of their box to enjoy the wildlife, but spend their time collecting trinkets called Opinions which they love to share with everyone they meet.

The next state is Ignorance. Though no one who lives there will admit it, it's really a pretend state. It was never a real state and everyone here knows better deep down, but it's easier to claim this as their home state than to have to pack all their things and move. The problem is that when living here, they do things that hurt themselves and others they claim to care about. Things they never would have done living somewhere else. Somehow, it's just easier to excuse here.

Next on the list is Confusion. This is a state that was not created by God (according to 1 Corinthians 14:33). Each member of this state is given a manual upon arrival that clearly states how to survive this place despite its frequent storms and natural disasters, but most never read it and wander about instead trying to make sense of it all without ever really accomplishing much. People often get lost wandering within the city there called Indecision.

A very popular state that is also used as a frequent getaway for residents of other states is called The Past. Somewhat of a novelty, everyone here walks backward! Most stay at home, lacking the courage to venture out since they can never see the brightness of the future, but choose to focus instead on the failures and hurts in the darkness behind them. A common city here is Pessimism where the weather is always partly cloudy and the lakes half-empty. Pessimists and people who live in The Past often relocate to our next state.

This next state is the only one to have two peninsulas that connect by a narrow bridge. In order to get to the second, you must travel all the way through the first called Despair. It's a long, lonely journey often traveled backwards, eyes firmly in The Past. This place though not as barren as is thought by its travelers, is cold and dark so the beauty that could be is not seen or noticed. Some of its famous cities are Could Have, Should Have, and Would Have. Its capital city is named Grief. Once one travels through Despair they have the chance to continue on across the bridge into Hopelessness. This place is void of all beauty and living things. Once there, it is very hard to leave. Sadly, residents here have short life spans.

Narcissism is a very populated state. Here folks are happiest when they can stay in their houses made of reflective materials with fantastic acoustics so their own voices can be heard even better and more clearly. These people are always looking out their windows at their neighbors so they can be sure that they, themselves, are indeed better off. Although not a productive society, people here don't mind too much as long as they are able to focus solely on themselves and their needs.

Insecurity is probably the largest state. Everyone travels through this state once in a while, but many stay and build permanent residences built on lies from the enemy. These lies are perpetuated through the media which has a huge impact as well as through the voices of people around them. Unfortunately these voices are deafeningly loud and are very difficult to drown out. Only one Truth silences them and once residents hear it, they immediately leave and rest in safer lands.

One of the most frightening of all states is Bitterness. Upon visiting, one would find travel very difficult as the ground is consumed with roots of varying sizes. These roots are known to seize folks by the ankles, and then eventually drag them down to their death. The roots were planted there by the first settlers, Pain and Thoughtlessness, and quickly grew out of control. Natives to the area hardly notice them anymore, but their faces and moods show the effects of living with this kind of strain. The only road leaving this state is called Forgiveness. Not to be confused with the super-highway Reconciliation by which people must travel in pairs. Forgiveness can easily be traveled by one and while on this road all wounds are healed.

A very treacherous state is called Addictions. It is characterized by holes. Oddly, the entire topography is made up of holes that need filling. Some of these holes were made in Insecurity, and some in Shame, and moved here. Some folks thought these dangerous holes were for recreation and they fell into them while playing. All the holes in Addiction are deadly and consuming and those who reside here really only have One Way out.

Now about that Way out. I'm sure these descriptions don't exactly read like a travel brochure. I have such exciting news! If you find yourself living in any one of these lonely, bleak places, you qualify for an all-expense-paid trip to one of the locations I will explain in a moment. Surprisingly, you don't have to clean up first, or bring any luggage. In fact, all baggage must be left behind! You don't need to go to any station to board this train. It's called Grace and the cost was a beautiful exchange made once and for everyone. It takes you to exotic and beautiful destinations such as Joy where laughter abounds, Peace where the sky and water are so blue and pure you can't tell where one ends and the other begins, Hope, the promise of a beautiful future, and Forgiveness, the road that is rumored to be very hard work, but truly is just a choice to walk on the path towards Freedom, the ultimate destination.

So what's the catch you ask? There isn't one. Raise the white flag called surrender and Grace arrives. Grace paid for the ticket entitled Jesus, and all you need to do is understand and accept His love. Then just lay down all the baggage and pre-conceived ideas, be willing to leave every single thing behind that could get in the way of Freedom and jump on board. And don't look back.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

It's the little things...

For years now, God speaks to me one word, or sometimes a few words, at a time. He made me to be a word-girl so I guess He knows how to get my attention. Like some people get a song stuck in their head, I get a word. Sometimes it's been a word I'd never heard before! Lately, I blog about the words He gives me. That's where each of these blogs start. A title, or a word gets stuck in my head so I pray about what He would have me say and then start typing.

This week He gave me the title of the blog without much explanation several days ago, but it was a rough week and I didn't have the urging to write until now. I'll explain.

Christian and I had a big fight this week. Yup. Sorry to bust the myth. The Kirkseys have fights. It was a doozy this time. I must explain that "doozy" to us means much different than the "doozies" I experienced growing up. Nothing gets broken, there are no naughty words at high volumes, NEVER would anything even come close to physical fighting, and in the end there is always resolution. A doozy for us means we dropped the ball, and let the sun go down on our anger. It didn't get resolved within a couple hours like usual. 

We do, however, have the perfect marriage--if there is such a thing. How can I possibly say that with two very, very imperfect people? Well, because this side of heaven, it's as good as it's gonna get.
In less than thirty days it will be our twentieth wedding anniversary, and I can honestly say I adore this guy and eagerly anticipate the next seventy or so years.
We do not do everything right, but we have learned a lot! We still hold hands, and can't wait to spend time together, we pray for and with each other, and seek God on everything. Divorce is not an option, and never will be. Is this to our credit? Most definitely not. God is good, and if we see any good in what He's done in our marriage, that's all Him.

(20 year anniversary song...)

So, back to the big fight. I was right and he was wrong, and then he figured that out. The end. 
I'm cracking myself up. And I'm just kidding. I learned some things from this one.
For years, when we are in the middle of a fight and I am at that stage when I'm reviewing all that's been said and often feeling so sorry for my poor, wronged self, there is a moment when I have to set down my need to be right and truly ask God how He wants me to move forward, that includes, "Search me, O God. Try me and know my thoughts. See if there be any wicked way in me." I guess that's my white flag of surrender moment. 
Turns out, my husband is doing the same thing! No wonder, we usually resolve it quickly! 
This time we were both pretty stubborn and it all came down to misunderstandings and heels dug in. 
You know what keeps a relationship--and not just a marriage--strong? It's the little things. It's being willing to listen, really listen with your heart; not just your ears. It's wanting to meet someone else's needs and care about their heartaches first. It's being considerate, and maybe most of all compassionate. It's a love note, a favorite meal, or a well-timed phone call. It's a bouquet of lilacs or a back rub. Its saying, "You matter to me."

Sometimes, it seems like marriage is set up to fail. There are so many roadblocks and pitfalls and land mines! When you hear the statistics and look around at those you know, how many marriages can you really look at and say they were successful at loving each other faithfully? Sadly, it is rare. 
I heard a Navy Seal talking yesterday. He was talking about the training required for one to become a Navy Seal. Before day one of real training began, during the weeding out process, his group went from 170 down to 24. He said that the system is "set up to failure". Each day they are broken down physically and mentally so that they get to a point where have to determine in their mind to keep going no matter how they feel.
Not that marriage is quite like being a Navy Seal, but the commitment is the same. The determination to be one of the few that remains needs to be the same.

I am deeply and profoundly moved by the devastation that has touched our country in the last few weeks from tornadoes and floods. This year has produced record numbers of tornadoes and fatalities from them. Not to mention the historic flooding occurring along the Mississippi River. It has been made more real to me since a piece of my heart currently resides in the heart of the storm areas. There is really nothing like the feeling of knowing that your child, grown, bearded man that he is, is in the path of an oncoming tornado, and all you can do is watch and listen from a thousand miles away. 
In that moment, no one cares a bit about cars, homes, or possessions of any kind. In that moment, all one cares about is life itself; the protection of those you love.

However, when you see a picture of an area that's been devastated, people are searching through the rubble for the little things. A memento, a photo, an heirloom. The focus is on the little things that matter most.

Today, I pray for a heart of compassion; for those who are hurting and for those in my very own home.
I know that the little things, be it a penny on a wall, or a loaf and a fish can become a mighty miracle in the hands of my God. Enough to sustain and feed a marriage, or a life. 


*photo of Joplin, Missouri--courtesy of CNN--Getty images



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

No need to send flowers...

I attended a funeral this week. Not someone I was extremely close to, but I had known her for most of my life. I mainly went to support someone else who was attending and who needed a friend, but I also knew I'd encounter people I hadn't seen in quite some time.
This is always interesting since I have so many folks who don't know what to do with me since the death of my parents. Suffice it to say there are a lot of opinions about how I should have handled those situations, and very few who actually know what happened.
It is not unusual for our family to face people who don't know what to do with us. We do live an unusual life and have made unusual choices which tends to separate us a bit. But, that subject is a whole 'nother blog.

I struggle with funerals, but I'm not sure it's in the typical way. Although death always gets me thinking, it doesn't frighten me. I just think the whole tradition of a funeral is bizarre. Please, no need to write to me and tell me about the need for closure and about the grieving process. I'm just telling you my personal thoughts.
I watched the family have to meet and greet folks they haven't seen in years, or perhaps never met. They were forced to be friendly and gracious while their faces could not hide the truth. They were in a fog of grief so painful that they could barely breathe. I doubt they will even remember who was there, save the guest book. All around me were whispers about who attended and who didn't and about the soloist and about how the family seemed to be holding up. It just felt cruel to me to ask them to socialize and make small talk over ham sandwiches and punch.

In Jewish culture, when a family member dies, the mourners sit shiva. This is a period of time lasting seven days when the family, after the burial, remains in their home and allows the community to bless them. They are grieving and encouraged to do so. They don't shower or shave and all mirrors are covered so that they can be in the grief state, and all visitors bring food and sit with them. No conversation is expected or made unless the mourner initiates it. They are simply surrounded by companionship and support. Similar customs continue for the next thirty days.
Here, in America, we have some pretty bizarre customs involving embalming, viewing the body, beautifully adorned caskets, rooms full of flowers. I have read some of what goes into making a body presentable. No, thank you. It is the most disgusting stuff I've ever heard in my life! As for those flowers, I bet most ladies would prefer to have that gorgeous bouquet while they could still enjoy it!

Before you think I'm here to tear apart every custom you may or may not appreciate, I will move on.

There is a woman I love deeply who is in what seems to be the final days of her life. None of us would say no to a miraculous recovery should God choose to do so, but for now, she is preparing to enter heaven.
She is a mighty woman of God who has loved and challenged everyone she knows to rise up and be exactly who God has called them to be. She is an out-of-the-box thinker who has inspired me to set aside any thoughts of winning popularity contests and step into whatever God has for me. If I can do that in my lifetime with half as much beauty and grace as she has exhibited, I will be pleased.

I got to visit with her yesterday, and as always she amazed me. As she faced a seemingly endless parade of people who love her, she smiled and handled all of it like a champion despite how I know she must have felt physically. She is talking about the things she wants to finish before going "home". A quilt that is in process, her concern for how her son will handle this, her questions regarding the how's and why's of cancer, her unwavering trust that God knows exactly what He is doing even if none of it makes sense, and the beautiful field of purple flowers down the road. These are things she talks about.
I'll tell you one thing I know. When she steps out of the body that has hindered her for so long into the arms of Jesus, she won't care one little bit about the flowers I send.

As I type this, my beautiful Kyrsten brings me a handful of flowers she found in the backyard. This moment is what it's all about. She is showing me her love in this very moment when it matters. That's how I want to live.

In the end, I hope I've brought each of those I love a metaphorical fistful of flowers rather than a beautiful arrangement they'll never see.

And as for me, I'll be too busy slow-dancing with Jesus. No need to send flowers...

Click here for a song...


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

A Handful of CHANGE!

Today's word is FAITH! When I hear it I think of a loaded weapon. When we are "armed" with it the world CHANGES!
I'm going to tell you a really great story that will seem unbelievable to you, but first I have to preface it with a definition. Word girl, you know.

Faith-(dictionary definition) strong or unshakeable belief in something, especially without proof or evidence.
Some of us have learned to define it this way: the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1)
We need to ask, believing and without seeing, and then He gives us the proof of it when He answers!
Many times in my life I have asked God to do something just for me, and because He loves me He did it! Christian and I have laid hands on our children and prayed and asked God to do His work and fevers broke under our hands. I couldn't even list all the times that the ends didn't look like they could meet and God sent us a check in the mail. Earaches, gone! Fear, gone! The list of things is really endless.
Every time, I was required to step forward without "proof" that He would catch me. Just like Moses at the edge of the Red Sea. Do you think he felt any apprehension at the moment when he had to stretch his hand out and wait for God to move the water with the bad guys right behind him and his family and so many others needing this to work?
Or how about Peter when Jesus asked him to step out on the water? Imagine yourself at that moment in front of folks you know, stepping out onto WATER. Do you think he wondered if it would work? 

Doubt capsizes faith.

So here's the story. Believe it or don't. 
We took a 13 week RV trip in 2010. That was a faith story all by itself. Leaving for an unknown period of time in an '88 untested motorhome with a couple hundred dollars in the account, planning to trek across the country to get to 13 states that were not exactly next to each other at 5 miles per gallon required some faith, let me tell ya! And God met every need, and we had the time of our lives!!! 
One of our planned stops was in Arizona to meet Addie's best friend that she had met via a Christian website years ago when we were working with our youth group. As a birthday present we took Addie to meet Hannah. Our families instantly became joined by spirit and we had an amazing time beginning our friendship. While at their home they told us a story about someone they knew who had visited a college where a girl was hanging posters and ran out of tape mid-job. She, for whatever reason, asked God to help her stick the poster to the wall using a penny. And He did! Other students saw this poster stuck with pennies and they asked God to stick their pennies to the wall, and He did! Pennies now line the walls of that school.
Well, we thought that was pretty cool and we were challenged in our faith when our new friends' nine year old son said, "Let's do it right now!". So, we reached into our pockets, and pulled out pennies, and did what anyone would do and let the kids try first! :o) Another testament to the beauty of childlike faith. All six of our kids began praying that God would use their faith to stick their pennies to walls, and He did! Excitement began to build. There was money on drywall! Why? Because we asked and God can.

It wasn't long before the parents joined in. Can I tell you how daunting it is to stand at a wall in front of expectant people and ask God to break physical laws? I thought I might be the first one to not have enough faith for it to work. At first, my penny didn't stick. I tried again. It stuck a few seconds. I tried again, and there it was.

It wasn't long and the walls were lined with pennies. This was not enough for our ecstatic group. The kids began using dimes, nickels, and then quarters. They stuck them to wood trim, metal hinges, and even the ceiling! Even a wedding ring was used to prove God's power.

Again, you might be wondering why, and you might be trying to explain it away with some rational explanation, but I'm telling you, it was used at that time to increase our faith because God knew we would soon need to know what He is capable of. And most of all because He loves us and gave us a demonstration of Matthew 7:9, "Which one of you, if his son asks for bread will give him a stone?".

We have shared this story with several people since then and have had many responses. Some went home and tried it themselves (and then sent us pictures from their cell phones of walls decorated with pennies). Some left and I'm sure chalked it up to 'those crazy Kirkseys'. Some rejoiced at how awesome God is and have pondered it.
One night we went to play Euchre at our dear friends, Tom and Jeanne's house. We hadn't seen them since before the trip, and so we were catching up and telling trip stories. At some point late in the evening, I told the penny story, and my friend Jeanne looked at me and said, "I wanna do it, right now!". I looked at Christian and he looked at me and I know we were both thinking, "I really hope this works!" but, we threw doubt out the window, and I stood up and said, "Let's do it!". We grabbed some pennies and marched over to the wall and I prayed and asked God to let my penny stick, and it fell to the floor. Tried again. Nothing. Jeanne walked up next to me and prayed, and there was her penny, stuck beautifully to the wall. I will never forget her face in that moment when her God gave her her very own miracle. The two kids that were present, Kyrsten and Tracer, got excited and began sticking dozens of coins all over the house. Pretty soon, all of us had once again seen a miracle by God's power under our own hand. 

Faith is law.

Well, we left that night pretty excited to have seen God honor Jeanne's faith. She went to Bible study the next night and in her excitement, out came the story. She got several reactions. Some wanted to try it right then. They did, and no pennies stuck. Then, one guy felt the need to inject some doubt and called it static electricity. Jeanne's faith was tested., pretty severely. In the days to come some of the pennies at her house would sporadically drop off the walls. Her son would instantly run up, pray, and the penny would be stuck. Jeanne was emailing me and telling me that she didn't even want to try. I encouraged her and told her that I'm sure that when Peter went home after he went water skating he tried to tell his family all about it. I'm sure some of his family chuckled, or doubted, or rationalized it away. Or maybe some sneaked out to the sea to see if they could do it! In every crowd, at every miracle Jesus did (and still does), there are skeptics, spectators, and seekers. The skeptics strike out at those around them in their frustration, the spectators sit out and miss out, and the seekers stretch out and claim their miracle.*

Several weeks later, I received an email from Jeanne and I am going to quote her because she tells it best.
Last week two pennies fell off the wall and I was impatient and frustrated as well, that they had fallen.  So I tried putting one back up, knowing full well I was in a hurry and not in the "zone" so to speak.  Of course it didn't stay and I left it alone.
Easter Sunday:  my nephew and his girlfriend asked what all the coins were about on the wall in the hall.  So Tracer and I explained and my nephew was like "show me" and it was more of a joke.  So I said "all you have to do is have faith and pray and it'll stay."  So I put the dime on the wall under my thumb and wouldn't you know it, amidst my house full of guests, potatoes boiling over on the stove, my dad wanting to know where the carving knife is, I closed my eyes, said a little "show him, God" and the darn dime stayed on the wall and I walked away as if it was the most normal, natural thing in the world - grinning on the outside, dancing on the inside!

My nephew was in total jaw-dropping shock and he of course tried it and his wouldn't stay up.  But he is a comedian so he wasn't really into it when he closed his eyes to pray - it looked more like he was meditating.  My brother (his dad) said it was impossible for a penny to stay up by itself, there was no explanation.  So I said it was all having faith that God would make it stay.  He was floored.  Everyone else in the house was too busy to realize what was going on.  Tom was just smiling.

So there you have it. A great story, huh? I need to say a couple things. First, it's not a magic trick. I get pretty angry with folks who like to treat God like a genie in a bottle. He has specific purpose for when He chooses to do things and why He chooses to do them. I believe the pennies are a miracle meant to be used as a testimony. Those who have had pennies stick to walls needed it right then, and He obviously knew that. 
It may not always happen. Wrong motives, wrong timing, I don't know all the reasons, but I just needed to say that. 
If you do let Him stick some money to some drywall, please give Him all the credit. He loves to hear our amazement with Him. It can ONLY happen because He said so, so please, thank Him. And lastly, tell the world about it! I know that I'd love to hear about it! Consider sharing this blog with people you know who need a boost of faith. After all, we overcome by the word of our testimony! 
And then, let's all move forward believing for even greater miracles from an all-powerful God.

Stretch out! Be a seeker! What do you have to lose? 
It's the best way I've ever spent a handful of change!

It's impossible to please God apart from faith. And why? Because anyone who wants to approach God must believe both that He exists and that He cares enough to respond to those who seek Him.
Hebrews 11:6 The Message

Footnote--Kyrsten's penny still remains stuck to the Acosta's wall in Arizona over six months later!

*Paraphrased from a sermon given by Pastor Sam Rijfkogel Grand Rapids First Assembly

Mom, mommy, mother, momma...

I wondered if I would feel the need to write close to Mother's Day.
Dragging my feet...

No childhood stories this time. There just isn't much to tell. I just find myself each May realizing that for some people, Mother's Day is a really tough day. Not everyone has a loving mother. Not everyone who wants to be a mom gets to be one. Some have recently lost a mom.

It's not all hearts and flowers.

However, I will say that voids can be filled. Most women are the great "fillers of gaps." It is part of our innate being to smooth over rough spots and bind broken places. We were created to be the soft place to fall for those we love. For however life has maimed some and left them without these gifts to share, God has placed a few strategic nurturers in their wake to pick up the pieces for the lonely who need mothers.

A favorite line of mine from a movie is from Hook when the cute little girl tells mean Captain Hook that he "needs a mother very, very badly".

We all do need a mommy. But not everyone was born to a nurturer. But, for those of us girls that weren't given a true mommy, I am living proof that God fills the gaps. Several beautiful women have come into my life and lived out what love looks like. They have held me as I cried, spoken love over me, and lived out motherhood in a way that is an example to me. It has been vital to me and I am forever grateful.

This Mother's day, I thank God for these women and ask that everyone is a little more aware that it can be a tough day for many.

When my first daughter was born I was ecstatic. And then terrified. All I had known of a mother/daughter relationship was difficulty, and thought it was destined to be that way. It's sad how much of a sticky mess that relationship can be! We all spend years recovering from the issues we deal with with our mothers, big or small.

For instance, cleaning house. I have talked to many, many women who still compare the way they clean to the way their mother did.

A friend of a friend loaned me this...
If you're stopping by to see me, no need to call first.
If you're stopping by to see my house, call first!

The way our mothers dressed, cooked, doled out rules. Each of these things and many more are major influences for the way we choose to do them.

One thing I know, whatever our mothers did or didn't do we can lay that down, forgive them for being the humans that they were and move forward into loving our children with the perfect love designed just for us to give.

I have no greater joy than to hear one of my three bless me by calling me "Momma". That one little word fills my love cup until it overflows. It says to me that I have mattered all the way to their hearts. God did that for me. He gave me love to pour out of broken places. How beautiful is that?

If you are one of those blessed with a true mommy, revel in it! Shower her with gratitude, thank her for her selflessness and then find someone who may need you to pay it forward.

If in doubt, act like a mommy.