Sit, Alison. Good girl.

Usually, in September, I'm very busy mourning the death of summer. I know, I know, a Michigan fall has a beauty all its own, but it's no secret I'm a summer girl through and through. My lake and I, we have this 'thing.' And, in case you missed it, Lake Michigan this August was spectacular. Though I squeezed my beach time into an hour at a time instead of whole afternoons, and less than a dozen visits instead of the usual dozens this year due to the 'summer of the wedding,' my lake and I were as close as ever until one ridiculously early in September day, she turned on me. And did this...

But, because of how crazy-busy this summer was, I think I am ready to move to the next thing. Michigan is such a beautiful picture of how God allows all things for a season. The next season has both its moods and its beauty, but nothing lasts forever.

The wedding (or as Addie calls it, her perfect princess day) was, indeed, perfect. The weather, the covenant, the way every detail came together, the love we were shown...everything.

I have had zero moments of sadness in sending my daughter off which feels like a miracle in my heart and mind. She is so happy living the dream God gave her that I could never begrudge her that. We raise them to live their dreams, and I find it thrilling to watch them come to fruition.

So, in the aftermath of all the wedding work, I find myself in a stall pattern with a splinted right arm for the last couple days. Of course it's when I have out-of-town guests coming to stay and a million other things to do. Thankfully, I have people willing to help me, but it doesn't really ease the frustration of wanting to be able to do something and being incapable of doing it.
And as I fretted yesterday a still, small voice whispered, "Be still."
Still?!? I've been canning and cleaning and running crazily around like the proverbial chicken for so long that I chafe to have to sit at all!

You know the definition of insanity, right? To keep doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.

So, the only thing that's going to fix this predicament I'm in, is to do the opposite of what got me here in the first place.

Ugh. There's a lesson there, right?
Did ya ever notice that God knew exactly the things that would be challenging for His impatient, silly kids to be able to remember to do so He gave us specific reminders. Not things like charge forward, take the bull by the horns, or do it your way; things like ask, seek, wait, be still. Husbands, love. Wives submit. (For more on this click here.)
None of them easy, but all developing our character.

So, I guess my pause button has been hit. I'm going to accept some help and take some time to enjoy the beauty of this amazing autumn I've been given.

Please excuse me. Apparently my character needs developing.

Wake me when it's over...

Ugh!!! I'm so very tired of all the politicking and posturing and positioning and straight-up ridiculousness of this election year. I'm tempted to relieve myself of all social media until we wake up and find that someone "won" and it's over. Only no one will win, and it will never be over because the system is broken and I'm not sure it can be repaired.

No worries, I have no intention of stating my views on this outlet for my words. In fact, I think you'd be hard-pressed to talk to any of my friends who I've gotten into political discussions with. Why? Because people are going to believe what they believe and be blinded if they choose to remain blind and there is no clever arrangement of words that I can conjure up that will change anyone's mind. So, unless asked, you're just not going to know. And I so wish others adopted this thinking.

I will say one thing, though. Because my God is Who He is and that cannot change, I do not believe He can stand by and honor the choices we are making as a people.

That scares me because as long as I align myself with a group and under a certain leadership, I have some responsibility in that position to either effect change or leave. At least, that's how our family has always thought. If I don't want to be associated with a certain kind of thinking I need to do something about it or I stand to face the same consequences as that leadership does. I believe this is called, "guilty by association."

This has led us to move away from several situations in our lives where something was definitely against our convictions, and we couldn't make a difference (though we tried) so we stepped away.

If I had a dollar for every time I've wished I could be sedated until a situation was over...oh, my. I'd own my own island somewhere void of politics completely.
And this blog would then be moot point.

I happen to live with adventurers. Okay, so I might be one, too. In fact, I have big, crazy plans with this husband of mine when our kids are all 18. Hence, the need for life insurance.

But my boys are testosterone-ridden, fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants, BRING-IT-ON, kind of guys who put me through all kinds of stress. The bigger the cliff to jump from or climb, the tinier the cave to explore, the higher the mountain to dangle from---guns, knives, wild animals…I've just had to adopt a "wake me when it's over" mentality. I go to my happy place in my mind.

And I pray.
A lot.

There are certain things they plan and tell me about--like wanting to camp with few supplies on a wolf-infested island with no other humans for days on end and no way out other than a scheduled boat pick-up, that I just hope never really happen. There are plenty of others that have happened and they have miraculously survived.

There have been moments in my life where I tend to want to revert back to doing what I did as a child when the world was a scary place. When chaos reigned in my house and things were being broken, and voices were way too loud, and people were crying, I just stayed in my room or outside until it was over. I hid, and hoped it would end quickly.

But, now, I'm stronger. How I respond, how I react, how I speak is up to me.

There have been times in my life where I feel weak and overwhelmed. But lately, I choose to be strong. And it really is a choice.

Recently, I was frustrated with my body shape and where I'd let myself arrive physically. I was lagging behind, huffing and puffing, on every hike and bike ride. I was miserable, and knew it was my own doing. So, I either decide to keep feeling sorry for me, or get up and do something about it. So I got up. And I feel stronger. And I can keep up now. I may not look like I did at 24, but I FEEL fantastic and more than anything, I'm so proud of making a change.

I have it in me to effect change.

I can stand up and make right choices in the little things in my day which eventually add up to big things. I can change the patterns that I developed once upon a time and become better--different. Let's face it, at this age, I can no longer blame my childhood for much. It's so long gone that I'd better take a good hard look at who I want to be and quit looking backward.
Last I checked, no one ever got anywhere staring at only the rear-view-mirror.

I'm responsible for my words. There's no one else to blame really for my behavior. No matter how anyone else acts, I am the one who has to answer for my words.

I'm responsible for my time. I'm responsible for my behavior. I'm responsible for how I make other people feel.

It's really that simple, but wouldn't it be huge if everyone got a hold of that? Could it change the world? Perhaps more than any rhetoric, or lobbying, or speeches.


It starts with me.

"I am only one, but still I am one. I cannot do everything, but still I can do something; And because I cannot do everything I will not refuse to do the something that I can do." Helen Keller

Posted with Blogsy

Burlap and lace...

Someday I will want to reflect on this time, I'm sure. So, I am writing just to mark this time.
Two weeks from today my daughter will no longer have the last name that I do. At this point in the planning, all but the last minute food items have been purchased, and all but a couple payments have been made.
Rustic, elegant. That's what this wedding will be. That means that momma has been crafting! I haven't seen this much burlap since I was Hiawatha in the third grade school program. And it's really neat that I will have all new layers of skin on my fingers for the event thanks to my hot glue gun!

I have been so busy for so many months and in one week, I am quite convinced that I will be insanely busy again, but today I find myself at a bit of a standstill. The projects are slowing, and I'm not sure if it's a good thing or not, but being less busy means being less able to distract myself. Though I feel fine most moments, there are moments the family looks at each other and realizes that everything is about to change. Kirksey--party of five--is shifting gears. Are we then four or six? Probably both. But the prospect of an empty bedroom in the hallway is a bit much for any single one of us to cope with quite yet. Most moments we put a good face on it, but the tears are like fast moving, threatening storm clouds and slam into us out of nowhere.

And then I think of what a great day it's going to be--that wedding day. It's so Addie, this wedding we are planning--all ribbons and lace with a little burlap on the side.

And getting married and eventually starting a family has been the dream God placed in her heart since she was a little girl. Setting up her home and being a wife and mom will fit another huge piece of the puzzle that is my baby girl's heart. I am genuinely happy for her. And that is truly a miracle. I always thought that when my kids got married, I might do exactly what my parents did and sob my way through the ceremony needing this to somehow be all about me. Nope. I know God is in this because I have such peace.

I'm trying not to say 'This is the last time' about anything. If you haven't had a child move out yet, someday you will see how your mind toys with you.
I have found myself wondering if I did all the things I meant to do while my children lived at home. Did we cover all the things I was supposed to teach them? Did we miss anything together?
I found myself saying things like, "This is the last time the five of us will spend the day like this."
Not going to let my mind travel to that place. I'm just determined not to.
This is not like when Justin left home. When he left, no one had peace about his absence. Not in the littlest, tiniest way. It was misery all around, and because he was unhappy, we suffered with and for him.
This is a relief for us in a strange way because she has been ready for this for so long. And she will be nearby. And there is nothing to be sad about when someone you love gets to live their dream.

So, I am going to continue to keep my mind and heart in this good place and be proud and happy for my darling girl as she takes these steps into her happy place. And I'm going to do what I would have loved to have a mother do and be near enough to call upon, distant enough to miss, and oh-so-happy for my Addie.

And throw her the wedding of her dreams.