Kids...

If my father-in-law reads this someday, he will definitely cringe at the title. Dad, I'm sorry. Yes, I know kids are really baby goats, but somehow my children are my kids, too. And aren't your baby goats just the cutest things ever? :o)

A few days ago, I walked down "the kids' hallway" in our house and saw the strangest thing. Every one of their rooms was clean! And I didn't tell them to do it! I could see the color of everyone's carpet! No funny smells were present! Each of my kids were on their beds reading or talking on the phone, and there was no visible mess anywhere. It was a sight to behold, I'm telling you.
I literally stood in the hallway and gaped for several minutes. Angels may have sung--if they did I was too much in shock to notice.

It struck me that I have most certainly turned a corner. No longer am I the mother of children that play with toys. I am no longer the one who has to say, "You can play outside when your room is clean." In fact, I barely have to ask for dirty clothes because they pretty much do their own laundry now. Every night after dinner, my "babies" clear the table, do all the dishes, and clean the kitchen because I made dinner so "Have a seat, Momma."

I own only one sippy cup. I bought it for babies who come visit. I still have an Ariel, Ronald McDonald, and Veggie Tales plate in the cupboard. Not sure why. I have several American Girl dolls packed away next to the Barbies in the basement. Now, in the driveway, I have a car with the name Addilac (Addie's Caddie) instead of Little Tyke and a truck called Ford instead of Tonka.

No more fighting over which Nickelodeon show to watch at my house. Little Bear has now been traded for some documentary. No Sonic on the Sega. Now, my Kyrsten may be playing Black Ops with her brother some evening doing something involving lots of guns in a nuke town...?

Now, problems involve jobs, and relationships, and future decisions when once upon a time, they were blankies needing to get washed, and sleepless nights due to bad dreams, and fights over whose turn it was.

My next step in all this is GRANDMA! Oh, don't you worry about me! When my kids are happily married and have their kids, I will be the happiest granny you ever did see! Bring on the diaper butts!!!

But, for now, I am just a bit reminiscent. I talk to fellow moms who have kids just now in their first days of college. I watch their eyes and hear their hearts cry out as baby bird number one leaves the nest. It's such a difficult thing, this letting go. You spend your life knowing it's coming. In fact, preparing them for just this thing! But, to experience the separation, and to not be there to see what they see and watch out for them. To not know what they eat, or be able to help them get a good night's sleep...it goes against a mom's nature.
From the moment we had them we began a painful separation. I felt this deeply when Justin moved away. As if a huge chunk of my heart couldn't function properly.

I also hear mommas with their little ones getting ready to go back to school. Sadly, to me, some cannot wait for the school bell to ring so their little guys can get out of their hair. I never related to that. I missed them like crazy when they were at school. Life happened when they got home! I guess that's another reason homeschool ended up so perfect for us.
I also hear parents who will miss their kids as they head back to the land of poster paint and recess. Any of these moms may be like I was where while some were off finger painting, mom was at home with other little ones doing naps and diapers. My days (and nights) were so very full that I'm not sure I could appreciate the joy of it as fully as I tried to.

Those days are so few. And fast. And so very, very precious.
But, let me also say this. Do not believe the lies that the teen years are miserable. Yes, they are challenging and will ask you to dig for strength and wisdom beyond your capacity sometimes! But, they are also full of joy if you let them be. It is positively fascinating to see these little people go through an absolute metamorphosis into real-sized people. My parents always said the fun part was over when we were no longer little. How sad! I know how that made me feel! We all need to know we matter just like we are; that we have purpose and worth no matter how many hormones are surging uncontrollably!

Hug your "babies" today. That little face will only be little for a half a second. We don't get to snuggle them nearly long enough. Look at that little person as just that. Not a "being" sucking the very life out of you or getting in the way of the things you have to do, but a little soul who just wants to matter and be loved.

From the momma of three simply amazing kids (with really clean rooms, I might add), I give you two pieces of advice.
Leave no doubt in their minds that they are loved beyond measure--that the things that matter to them matter a great deal to you.
And, make each day count. It is a gift.



- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

Divin' in

I promise, I was not hired by anyone from the Pure Michigan campaign to write the words that will follow. But, I must confess, I am in love with our lake. It's true. Though I've seen the rest of this amazing country and have fallen in love with the views and vistas in dozens of other states, I'm a summertime, Michigan girl through and through.

I simply cannot imagine living anywhere that I could not take a five minute drive and be at my beach. Christian knows this about me. He puts up with my obsession with my beach and even occasionally joins me there. But, he cannot keep up with my need to bask in the sun and swim in the waves, and looks at me a bit strangely once in a while.
One of my dearest childhood friends lived on Lake Michigan and we spent an awful lot of time together in our growing up years. Much of that time was in the water. When my kids were little, there was nowhere easier to take them for a day of fun. We all tend to be a bit fish-like so to this day, we are at the lake several times a week.

Today, was a sunny day, so to live up to my goal to be at the lake every single sunny day since the water hit 68 degrees, I jumped in the car after all my work was done and took off by myself to my beach. All I bring is a towel and my keys and license. When I arrive, I'm alone and no one is even in sight as far as I can see in either direction on the beach. I set up my towel in my spot and blissfully lay in the sun until I'm nice and toasty and then go for a swim.

Today was apparently Ladies' Day at the beach as two other nice women found their own spot and enjoyed their beach time as well. One was the reading type. She set up her pink umbrella and parked her little chair underneath and read to the sound of the water and seagulls.
The other was more like me. Bring on the crispy, brown skin and occasionally take a dip. No book necessary.

Beach etiquette is a funny thing. There is an unspoken rule, at least at our beach, that you pretty much don't need to make conversation with anyone. Or eye contact. Everyone just does that thing, kinda like at restaurants, where you are in a public place pretending you're all alone. Of course, you are looking to see what other people are doing, but you can be sly about it. Like, you pretend your sleeping, and you just peek out from under your eyelashes to see if what they are up to. No need to say hello. Everyone is just content to be in their own happy little beach bubble. One time, I broke etiquette by complimenting a lady on what a nice mom she was. It was awkward. She really looked at me like, "Are you really talking to me at the beach?"

So, today, the ladies and I, we just made ourselves happy and pretended we were all alone.

Let me just tell you, there is nowhere that I am more content than underwater in Lake Michigan. Well, swimming underwater (just to clarify). There is nothing like the underwater world with nothing to hear but the muted sound of water, and everything you see is blurred and beautiful. No one else can interfere or interrupt.

Today, the water was so calm and warm that I just laid on the top of it and back floated for as long as was possible. The sun kept me warm, the water was crystal clear and I just laid back and felt peace.
Here is where I know my Creator best, in the midst of His Creation. I laid there on the water, and thought about how it felt like being in His arms. That place where everything else can be a total mess, but I can just lie back and know peace. I totally trust that I'm safe.

No matter how heavy my heart may be, I still float.

As I laid there I thought about how much being in the water is like my relationship with God. There were definitely times I didn't feel like getting all the way in.
I laugh at my Kyrsten when we go to the beach together because when the water is cold, she tends to dive right in. I tend to take my sweet time and work up my courage. She is constantly saying, "Mom, go all the way in! You'll feel better once you're all the way in!"

You really can't fully experience swimming in the lake if you're not willing to get all the way in. And you can't really experience what God is like if all you're willing to do is get your toes wet.

And, you can't really experience what my Lake Michigan is like from a picture. You might think it's lovely looking and may want to visit it someday.
Or, you might see a picture of the lake when it's stormy or hear a story someone told of its rip currents and the lives that are lost. From this, you may decide it's not worth your time.
But, if you get all the way in...if you totally surrender and experience it firsthand on a warm, summer day, you will be changed. You may not want to leave!

That's what it like with God, too. You may have seen a good representation of Him in the the kindness of a stranger. Or there could have been something done in His name that looked dark and not at all appealing.
Or maybe a some "wave" came your way in your life, and knocked your legs out from underneath you, and you decided that if God would allow that, you don't need anything to do with Him.
I know that I would hate to have people try to get to know me from what other people had to say about me. And, I sure wouldn't like it if someone decided they didn't want to get to know me at all based on someone else's opinion or representation of me.
And, I could spend all day getting mad at that wave that got me all wet or realize that wave was part of something bigger than I'll ever understand.

There is nothing like the moment when you realize that His love is like an ocean just waiting to refresh and carry you, even when your heart feels heavy--like it could never float again.

I've learned to surrender. Just like I learned to back float. At some point, you just have to do it. You can't surrender a little bit. You either do or don't. At some point, it's just about letting go of what you know, maybe taking a chance even though it goes against what feels natural, and trusting in something bigger than yourself. You were, after all, made to float.

There is a goodness available--a sweetness that only comes from letting go. A peace you can only know when you get all the way in. When you walk up to LOVE and look it full in the face, the only real option is to dive in headfirst.

Kyrsten's favorite song when she was a baby...(seems appropriate)

No need to hide

Yesterday I spent two delightful hours doing something I had only dreamed of for years. I went by myself to my very favorite place in the whole, wide world. The beach. There is a beach down the road that isn't usually super crowded; in fact, I was there alone most of my time there. I laid in the sun and swam in the water and no one was needing me, and everyone I love was safe and otherwise occupied. I listened to the water and the seagulls, and was warm and oh-so-happy.

Toward the end of my blissful time a family of four came to see the lake. They were obviously tourists. This, I knew from the fact that they were fully clothed. They obviously were here to look at our fantastic body of water rather than dive in. As I laid there with my eyes shut, I picked up on their conversation. Only the parents were talking and this is much of what I heard: "Palmer, lay down. NO! Lay back on your towel! Not like that! Relax your arms! Lay ALL the way back. Stop fidgeting! Now, close your eyes, Palmer! I said, lay DOWN! I don't care if you don't want to! Hold still! NOW, SMILE!".
Apparently, Palmer had finally laid back on his beach towel to look like he was relaxing at the beach. The camera snapped shut, and off they went.

I couldn't help but chuckle to myself as I remembered a moment or two of just wishing my kids would look happy for a picture. In a field full of sunflowers (and BEES), when the pictures could have been perfect, but no one was really having any fun. I was too busy making it look pretty to care how my kids were really feeling.


Now, when I look at those pictures I remember the frustration of that day instead of seeing the beauty. I bet I know what Palmer will remember when he looks at his beach picture. I doubt he will think of it fondly!
I'm sure all these pictures would have been much better had I stopped my kids from posing with perfect smiles, and captured them scrambling from the bees. And if only Palmer's parents wouldn't have forced him to pretend to sunbathe, but just snapped a shot of him staring in awe at the water.

As I relaxed there on the beach, I remembered being in a car on the way to church, once upon a time, with my parents in what was surely day three or so of some nasty fight between them that was continuing in the car. I distinctly remember my mom, still with her angry face on, turning around to say to my sister and I, "We are almost to church. Everyone put your happy family face on!". And she meant it. And we did.

There's freedom in living authentically.

Authentic: adj. true to one's own personality, spirit, character.

There are situations in this life in which we feel compelled to be something we are not. What are we hiding from?

I recall a time when a close friend of mine told me that she appreciated being able to talk to me "for real." That there were just things she didn't want to talk to her friends from church about. These were real life issues and struggles and those were the friends she spend most of her time with. But, she didn't feel safe enough with them to let them see what was messy.

I was reading a book this week and the author was describing how each of the characters was hiding behind something. One hid behind the way she dressed. Another hid because no one really knew the truth about her. One worked so hard at being the life of the party that she hid right out in the open so no one got to get past the surface. One hid behind her hard work.

I know I've spent my fair share of time hiding. It's much easier to do what it takes to keep the front up than to trust that it's safe to feel how I really feel. The older I get, the less important that fake front has become. I'm finding that I'd rather not waste my time and energy around people that I can't be authentic with. I have spent many decades coming to grips with the Alison that God made me to be. I have been shaped and molded by Him just this way. And it's just got to be enough.

Certain groups of people demand certain behaviors. I find that exhausting and I tend to stay away from those things as much as possible. For instance, company parties. Since my husband is in the industry he is in, there are certain functions I've had to attend over the years. Can I just say, I hate them. Strong word, I know. But I really hate them. Why? Well, I get into clothes that I will be thrilled to peel off at the end of the night to stand around and make small talk with folks I don't know, probably will rarely see again, and don't have anything in common with. When the dinner comes, I will hardly enjoy eating it because I'm too worried that, as usual, I will spill something, or accidentally spit a bit of food at someone while I'm talking to them, or of course, have spinach between my front teeth the whole time but no real friends to tell me it's there.

Now, why would I want to do this socially correct night, when I could be hanging with true friends, laughing like crazy, playing euchre and eating tons of junk food, and not caring if they see me being stupid because I know they love me anyway?

So, I ask myself, and I ask you: What am I hiding behind? When do I most feel the need to put on a front? Am I really living authentically?

You know, it's exactly what seemed to frustrate Jesus, too. He really got irritated at anyone who was so busy trying to create an image, even one of trying to be super holy that He publicly called them out!

Matthew 27-28: "You're hopeless, you religion scholars and Pharisees! Frauds! You're like manicured grave plots, grass clipped and the flowers bright, but six feet down it's all rotting bones and worm-eaten flesh. People look at you and think you're saints, but beneath the skin you're total frauds."
Ouch!

He chose to hang with real people who were trying to get a hold of what it was that He had. People who didn't have all the answers. People who were too short, or didn't have a popular job, or had physical defects. They were living their need right out in the open.
There was room for Him there.

I don't know about you, but I want to leave room for Him. Even if it means I don't look perfect and may not have everything all together. I think it's going to be a daily challenge, but I want more of what He's got to offer.




- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

The good news is...

Talk about a crazy few weeks...

Due to Justin's car accident, business travel, and a trip to Mississippi I have hardly had a decent conversation with my husband for several weeks. This is NOT like us. We talk about everything, but sometimes life crowds out the living, doesn't it?

The good news is...my son is home! (Cue the parade.)
Yes, as soon as it sinks in, I'll probably be seen doing cartwheels across our front yard.
He is home and he is at peace in his spirit. He is surrounded by love and filled with hope, and we haven't seen that in him in some time. He brings with him much wisdom and we marvel at how our God is a just-in-time God. (Note the clever little play on words with Justin's name right there.) There is a confidence in my son's step that could have only come from the road he walked, mostly alone, for the better part of a year. And the way he hears from His God shouldn't shock me, but it does.

We have had some challenges this last month. That may just be the understatement of the year. I have walked around showing some sparkly hairs to my family asking which one of them is responsible for the latest addition.

The good news is...I see how taken care of I am by my heavenly Daddy in a million ways despite the trials. I wish I could find the words to describe.
Each challenging situation we faced threw us back a step for a minute, but then all of a sudden, we were seeing how what looked like rejection was really God's protection and His redirection. It's really all in the way you look at it.

I'm not trying to beat a dead horse. I know I already wrote about perspective, and I know I've reiterated recently about being thankful for even the things we don't want to be thankful for like laundry and bills. When money fairly flew out of our pockets this month for vehicle repairs we wanted to do some serious complaining! But, those repairs safely brought our son home. And God provided. That's some good news!

There's a slight possibility that I could maybe possibly be a bit irritating or Pollyanna-esque once in a great while when someone around me needs to tell me their difficulty with something and I chime in with a "Well, the good news is..." statement. I understand that sometimes, though that cloud may have a silver lining, it's more fun to stand in the rain.


That may be why the bracelet challenge kinda trickled away. I admit, while I was in the midst of my very long thirty days, I just wanted to say what I needed to say and let it all out. But what does that really accomplish? My wallowing doesn't really make me feel better. In fact, it just makes me muddier. And makes more work when it's time to get out.

That's why I'm always looking for the good news. If the dog just pooped on the floor, the good news is it wasn't on the carpet! If the dryer broke, the good news is it's summer time and clothes can hang outside for now. If money is tight, the good news is we have a job and hope of the next paycheck. If I lost my cool and spoke in anger, the good news is I can ask for forgiveness.

I double-dog dare you to be borderline annoying this week with your family and friends, and with every negative thing you hear add some good news. And every time you feel overwhelmed by a situation you feel like you can't handle, look for some good news. I realize there are situations that aren't so easy to make light of. Quite honestly, I've had some heavy ones too this month that were not so easy to find the good news in.
There was good news, though. I couldn't avoid it. No matter how bleak the moment feels, I can have hope because of what I know is true. Even when every human fails me, I am deeply loved. There is Someone who hears me--even when I'm nasty to listen to. He has good planned for me. It's a promise because we love each other. His mercies are brand new every morning. That's some really good news.

You make me smile...

Make--verb
1. to cause someone to be or become
2. to cause to happen to or be experienced by someone

"You make me smile," I said to my husband as I looked at the face I have loved for so long. Honestly, most days just seeing him makes my face happy. Granted, there are moments where the thought of mustering up a smile for him would take more than I've got. In that case, I would say, "You make me so mad!"

The phrase, "You make me...(fill in the blank)" kind of struck me.

We have some power to cause some things to happen. I could walk into my daughter's room right now and in ten seconds flat, make her feel inadequate. All it would take would be to list some things she failed to accomplish, no matter how insignificant. Maybe she didn't put away her nail polish or her shoes--AGAIN. Maybe she left the garage door open.
Quite honestly, these things do come out of my mouth too frequently. Perhaps, my words and feelings are justified. After all, my "job" is to keep things in order and when someone isn't assisting me in that process, I tend to point it out.

Perhaps, I sometimes miss the forest for the trees.

I mean, my children, are amazingly brilliant, thoughtful, giving, considerate people and so maybe they just don't see that some of the things they do makes more work for me.

But maybe it's just because they are so busy becoming incredible. Maybe I should concentrate on coming in for the assist.

When they were precious little people with which I spent my every day, we played and danced and laughed together. Some days, we got caught up in the mundane. I would be making lunch and bringing it out to my cutie-pies all sitting around the table waiting for Momma to give them their PB-J's and carrot sticks and no one was smiling or talking. Not for any reason, just no one had anything to say. All of a sudden, I would break out into hysterical laughter for no reason at all. They would look at each other with huge, startled eyes and then at Momma, who certainly had gone crazy! But as I continued, they had to join me. They couldn't help it. I made them laugh. And we would laugh until we cried and our bellies hurt, and it changed the course of the day.

What kind of power, in the lives of those I love, do I want to have today?

I am an observer. I process things slowly. I'm convinced this is why I was never good at any kind of sport. You have to think quickly in a game in order to do well. I have watched people and have seen them struggle with various issues. Both my parents were very depressed people. Having been around them a lot I can tell you that it had the tendency to make me feel depressed. I figured I had two choices: to continue the pattern and allow that to infect me, or to turn the other direction and make the choice to be different.
I chose a 180. What this meant to me was I had to choose to be a positive thinker, and I had to think about more than just myself.
I am convinced that the main reason people are negative and struggling mentally is due to self-absorption. And I can be guilty on any given day. When most of what comes out of my mouth is "I" or "me," it's gonna be a rough day for everyone around me. When I wake up and make the choice to be a servant to those I love, or make the effort to brighten someone else's day it makes all of the difference. Turns out to be a great day. The kind where I feel satisfied when my head hits the pillow.

I have recently watched a few episodes of the show Secret Millionaire. The concept is that a pretty spoiled millionaire is put into a rough part of town for a few days without all their usual accoutrements and volunteers for local charities. At the end of their volunteer time, they give away thousands of their own dollars to worthy charities. The process is what I find fascinating. During this time, these folks have to think about someone who hasn't had life easy, and put themselves in some less desirable shoes. They have to give of themselves and in the process their heart is opened up. At the end of each show, they feel great about themselves for having given so much money away, and it reminds me every time of why Jesus said to give secretly. Quickly, the giving can turn the giver into a hero and frankly, that's not supposed to be the point. Yes, it feels great to get that teary, Thank you!" but we are not supposed to need the credit. The point is that it isn't all about me.

Our family loves to give in secret. I refuse to be specific, but there's nothing like knowing there is a need somewhere, and blessing someone quietly. It forces us to be willing to give God the credit for providing instead of allowing us to feel like a hero.

Don't you think it might be time to make someone's day brighter. It's as easy as holding the door for someone, or giving an elderly person a minute of conversation, or smiling at the grumpy cashier. It might be quietly meeting someone's need or just breaking into hysterical laughter. Just consider thinking outside of yourself today. I guarantee, it will make you smile.