"Be careful of the words you say, Keep them short and sweet. You never know, from day to day, Which ones you'll have to eat."

I have one more good post in me about words. Well, for now. I reserve the right to revisit.

I read a great book yesterday. The timing was not a coincidence considering all of the recent speech control.
The book is called, Listen by Rene Gutteridge. It is a fictional story about the power of words. The plot is about an idyllic, small town where a website was created that posted conversations from within people's homes in which people were speaking about others. 
Just imagine for one minute that your most private conversations about friends and family or church members were recorded, perhaps by cell phones and published for all the world to see.
It might change the way you talk, right?

"We know metals by their tinkling and men by their talking."--Thomas Brooks

Have you ever sent a text to the wrong person? I have. And the text I sent was about the person I sent the text to! It wasn't anything bad, but for those few moments when I realized that my words could have been misconstrued, I was afraid!  The damage could have been irreparable.

Our family is unusually carefully with our words. We have been taught numerous times about the power of the tongue. We know that God created all things with His words and according to Proverbs, the power of life and death is in the tongue.  I really could go on and on about this, but I'm not trying to preach a sermon. 

Consider words spoken about you when you were a child that did damage, either at home or by other kids. How much did that shape you whether you wanted it to or not? That whole "sticks and stones" thing is a bunch of garbage.
When my kids were small, if someone put someone else down, they had to then say at least five compliments to the other person to try to redeem their words. And things like, "I like how you take a deep breath," or "I like how your hair is so long," didn't count.  But one point for creativity and making us laugh when we were really mad.

At our house you will never hear things like, "My headache is killing me!", or "That makes me sick!" We take those words seriously because we only want to speak good things and give power to the awesome things God wants for us. Not the negative.  You might think it's crazy but there was a Flyleaf song that we all really liked and the kids would all sing it. It was called, I'm So Sick and we talked about how maybe we shouldn't be claiming those words by singing that song. Well, it was a catchy tune and sing it, we did. Within days the entire family was quite ill and it wasn't pretty. Coincidence?
Needless, to say, we don't sing that song anymore.

My dad never heard these ideas to my knowledge, but I remember being a little girl and hearing him say that he thought the most stupid swear word to say was, "I'll be darned." Only the word wasn't 'darned' but I'm not gonna type that naughty word. He said that one would have to be pretty stupid to open that invitation.  Interesting.

As many of us are working on controlling our words these days, this is even more relevant. While you are conscious of what you are saying, be even more conscious of the strength of your words.

Consider this...Do words change the world when spoken, or do they change the person speaking them? Or maybe both.

"A sharp tongue is the only edge tool that grows keener with constant use."--Washington Irving

Keep spreading the word. Issue the challenge to quit complaining to those you know. Let's keep this going. If you fail, just switch the bracelet and move on. Don't give up. This is about the awareness not the accomplishment.

The pastor who gave birth to this movement of bracelet-wearing, non-complainers took three and a half months to keep his bracelet on the same arm. Others have needed seven months!
I don't care if I wear this bracelet all year. I want to make the most valiant effort possible to control my mouth. According to James 3, I'll never do it on my own.

"Post this at all the intersections, dear friends: Lead with your ears, follow up with your tongue, and let anger straggle along in the rear." James 1:19 The Message

One Day Down!!

I am excited! I think we are at the start of something big, and you all are a huge part of it.

A few days ago, in the previous post I issued a challenge to any takers to begin a journey of awareness about what comes out of our mouths. The goal is to quit complaining for 30 days. To view that post, you can click on the right side of this page where it says, "Anyone up for a challenge?" or at the bottom of this post you can click older post.

Many of you shared the link with your friends and family via facebook, and I am thrilled to say that it has spread like wildfire! That blog has gotten a crazy amount of exposure, and I am hearing from many friends and strangers regarding their desire to wear a bracelet and stop complaining!

If I haven't heard from you yet, I would love to! Please feel free to comment and let me know how you are doing!

I have heard from some who have said that they would love to begin, but at that moment they were sick and needed to wait to start until they felt better. I have heard from others who said "NO WAY!" because they were just at a tough place in their life and knew that they couldn't start this now. I have heard from many who said they were ready for the next level of what God had from them and were thrilled to begin the challenge.

Interestingly enough, it seems that Focus on the Family ran a radio program that promoted the same idea on the same day that I wrote my blog! I think God is up to something here.

In our house, Christian and I have donned the bracelets. Our girls made us lovely bracelets on our RV trip and we are using those as our accountability markers.

Day four of the challenge I finally made it a full day without complaining. I must say that having people holding me accountable is key because I was finding that I didn't even notice the things I complain about. Things just fly out of my mouth! Can anyone relate? I have thought about changing to a really thick rubber band that I can snap when I mess up. Maybe that would stick with me more!

I am finding that I do really well each day until I start talking. :o)

I am learning to rephrase.

Before I said, "Really? Your playing that music again?"
Now I say, "Wow! You must really like that song!"

Or, "I hate when you drive with your knee on the steering wheel instead of your hand!" which has become, "Would you like me to hold your coffee so you can have your hands free?"

I'm sure I have work to do on my face as I control my mouth. I'm pretty sure sometimes those words come from gritted teeth and a not so genuine smile, but baby steps, right? Like I tell my students, any progress is good progress.

The first step for me is actually thinking about what I'm saying it before I say it. Being in control of what comes out of my mouth is an even bigger challenge than controlling what goes in it! Who knew!?

Let's be encouraging each other. Check in with folks you know that have begun. Continue to share the link, and if you haven't begun yet, just do it. What do you have to lose?

I hope that I am becoming a nicer person to be around. All the more reason to share this challenge with those you love. Then we are all more optimistic, self-controlled people in this thing together.

"Set a watch before my mouth, O Lord. Keep the door my lips." Psalm 141:3

Anyone up for a challenge?

Being a word girl has its drawbacks.

I am fascinated by words and how they are used. Since age four I have loved reading them, using new ones, and unfortunately, I love fixing the improper usage of them. I think I should make money for editing. Well, I kind of already do. I edit songs that my students play every week, but maybe a book editor would have been more appropriate.

I tell Christian that it's a good thing he has me, or his sentences would surely suffer. And just imagine all of those business calls and meetings and sermons that could have misled folks, or at the very least left them struggling with why he didn't add the "l" and "y" to a needy adverb! (insert sarcasm here)
Then I tell him I'm sorry because he must feel like he married a woman named Spell-check. Seriously, he speaks and I interject a correction. Miss DeLong would probably be proud. I wish I could turn it off.


Today's words to evaluate.

COMPLAIN--
vb (intr)
1. to express resentment, displeasure, etc., esp habitually; grumble
2. to state the presence of pain, illness, etc., esp in the hope of sympathy

WHINE--
v.intr.
1. To utter a plaintive, high-pitched, protracted sound, as in pain, fear, supplication, or complaint.
2. To complain or protest in a childish fashion.

These verbs are some things I think I just might be really good at. I think I'm not the only one in this position. I do not aspire to be a negative person, but if these are the things constantly coming out of my mouth I may be just that.

This darn tongue of mine.

I just read this very well-written article about the recent tragedies in Japan. It really stirred my emotions. Theirs is a country that is one of the richest in the world. One day there are families just like ours going about life and planning for the future and the next, if they have survived, are living on a floor with blankets as their only comfort and nowhere to call home. We just can't imagine that kind of devastation and I would imagine we don't really want to.
We live abundantly in such a way that we could not imagine a day of hunger, but in fact may find ourselves complaining about having to make dinner.

Once upon a time we became friends with a boy in Ghana as a pen pal. Eventually, we were helping him and his family as much as we could. Occasionally, we would get a phone call featuring a whole bunch of excited family members who wanted a chance to talk to Prince's American "family."
One day, he asked us if we had a car. I'm not sure when I've been so humbled because I had to admit that we had at least two cars at that point. How do you explain that we each needed one when he couldn't imagine having just ONE?
We are so ridiculously blessed.

Recently, I read about a plan to rid oneself of all the whining and complaints. It's taken me a while to even consider this option because quite frankly, I wasn't sure I was up for the challenge. Today I am and I am going to issue the same challenge to you.
Perhaps you aren't ready today, but take some time and think and pray about it. If you do decide to begin just post this blog to your facebook page (click on the facebook "F" under this blog) and issue the challenge to those you know as well.
Please let me know if you're in this with me.

I am putting a bracelet on my wrist. It doesn't matter what the bracelet looks like. It's just a symbol of a commitment you are making to quit complaining for 30 days. And then you stop complaining. If you mess up and something flies out of your mouth that shouldn't have, the bracelet goes on the other wrist. The idea is to wear the bracelet on the same arm for 30 consecutive days.

This may take me a while.

I believe this is step one. Hopefully, in some way in your life you are already "paying it forward," but once we realize how much we complain in spite of our abundance, then perhaps we can look for ways to give out of our abundance as well.

Are you in?

XXXOOO

I was thinking about hugs today.

Recently, I saw a friend for the first time in a while and I think I hugged her too many times in the course of that meeting. It happens sometimes when I am feeling uncomfortable. I say something stupid involving far too many words for the situation, or I hug because I don't know if I'm supposed to, or to fill a bit of space for which I can't find words. I think I'm also really bad at knowing how long said hug should last. I tend to pull away while they're still hugging and then there's that whole awkward end-of-hug dance. Do you know the one? And then, obviously, I think about it way too much later and am analyzing it when most people have moved on to completely normal thought processes!

That's why those of us who are true introverts coping in a world FULL of people prefer our tendency to avoid those huggy, wordy, inevitably awkward moments.

Introvert, you ask? Yup. And proud of it. Give me a book and a quiet house and I'm the happiest girl. Give me a room full of people and I'm a mess on the inside dreading small talk like the plague.

I wonder often if this is just me since birth or some product of my environment.
I don't like to be a blamer of childhood so I won't venture too deeply into the vaults of my memory for this one, but I will say that ours was hardly an affectionate family. Imagine four people living in bubbles that never joined and that should sum it up. Our family never hugged, snuggled, wrestled, tickled, or used laps for comfort. I know my dad loved me, but I'm pretty sure he thought any affection with his daughters was somehow inappropriate so he just kept his distance. I did try to hold his hand occasionally, and I distinctly remember wanting to as a little girl, but somehow I sensed his discomfort and let go. With my mom, I just don't think she ever wanted to be near us. Other factors help prove that point.
Close to adulthood, some hugging happened, but mostly in public and rarely genuinely.

This led me to having my own issues with personal contact.

Since I knew this about myself, I made a conscious choice to change when I had children. But strangely enough, it was the easiest thing in the world for me to shower them with affection. Granted, we've never been much of a kiss-on-the-lips kind of family (like my husbands family, God bless 'em), but I still hold my grown son's hand and snuggle my girls when they let me.
To clarify, I tell my children that I kissed them all on the lips until they got old enough for their breath to stink, and I don't think that's the least bit unreasonable.

My Addie has this natural aversion to physical touch. Give her a hug and she will cringe. Well, if you do she will. She's just gotten used to us. She's not the girl who climbs into her daddy's arms for a snuggle despite his willingness. Granted their have been moments for that, but not on a typical day. She just prefers for no one to touch her. She hasn't always been this way. Mostly in the last few years. And she's one of my extroverts! I really have no doubt whatsoever that she will overcome this as soon as she has that first baby.

As an adult, I had to learn what affection should look like. Isn't that weird? Like, when we led youth group, some of those girls would practically sit in my lap and snuggle, and I probably sat with my eyes bugging out of my head trying to look like this felt normal. They sure thought it was! Funny how much those beautiful kids taught me. And through friendships. Beautiful ladies have sat with me during rough moments and held my hand or kissed my cheek. It helped me learn how God gave us each other to feel His touch.

So, next time I see you, please don't mention the awkwardness. I'm sure it will just make things weirder. Just hug me anyway and it'll be just fine!

For now, this has left me a bit uncomfortable even in my own skin. I think I'll go find Christian. I need a hug.

Being a hero

Two nights ago I found myself awake much too late. I'm a night owl and rarely go to sleep before midnight, but 2:30 was too much for even this girl.

I have somehow gained a reputation for not being the nicest when awakened prior to what I deem necessary. To hear my family tell about this one would think I grew fangs and claws. It's not that bad! In my defense, I must say that I've always been a sleeper. I truly slept 17 hours straight once because no one woke me up. Granted, that was back in the teenage years, and immediately following those years I had babies and none of them were very good sleepers. Add to that a husband that is quite the sound sleeper and you have a momma that was awake for what felt like years straight.
They owe me a LOT of uninterrupted sleep and although I whine and complain when awakened too early, I really am not the monster they make me out to be. There is only one reason to get up before 8:00 and that is vacation. If it's in the "sevens" I am cranky. The "sixes" and I might act a bit hostile.

So, back to my story. My precious Jack Russell, Lily, who is very much the baby around here has some skin issues that tend to make her miserably itchy.

She is currently switching medications and has not much relief as of yet for her itchy body. This keeps her awake at night and also may have affected her potty schedule. This particular night she started her ridiculous screechy-whine just after I finally fell asleep at 12:30. I kept my cool and despite my frustration came out and pretty calmly told her to hush up and went back to bed and a half an hour later fell asleep. That's when the screeching started again. My heart was pounding. I was pretty irritated now and had to control myself to not react too strongly. "What if she just has to go potty?" I asked myself. Can you imagine being in a cage and having to face the idea of pooping your own bed? I figured I would be her hero. Mommy to the rescue and she would be so grateful and sweet this time, right?
So, I kept my mouth shut and sacrificed my warm bed and got up to let her out. She squatted for quite a while and then we both settled back in-again. Thirty minutes later it began again. I was done being the hero. I let my claws show just long enough to get the rest of my night of sleep.

I read voraciously. Christian says no one reads a book faster. I don't know about that, but I do love a good story. There are just great nuggets of wisdom to be found in stories! I just finished a book called "Unconventional." It lived up to its title. My new favorite quote came from this book.
"The greatest and most inspiring achievements are not produced by those who conform to society's idea of normal, but by those who courageously adopt the unconventional." Well said!

But the story was about this guy with a rough life and big dreams who came from a pretty rough family life and was pretty much going solo parent-wise. God brought people into his life at just the right time who filled every gap.

I so relate with this. Having lost parents within six months of each other, but worse, lost them emotionally a long time ago, I have always had people who deeply love me come along side and fill in all those gaps in my heart. It's remarkable, and if I didn't already know how much my God loves me, just the timing of those relationships alone would prove Him.
"Mothers" have come along and built me up and shown me what nurture and love look like. "Fathers" have come along and just hugged me and taught me that love doesn't need to be earned. "Grandparents" have come into my kids' lives that spend time with them and fill their love cup.
These people are my heroes. I want to be available to be that kind of hero. In fact, what greater purpose is there?
I'm convinced that all of the people just existing would find depth and purpose again if they could just find someone to be a hero to. Too many aimless existences lead to frustration and depression and hopelessness. I've seen it time and again.
We all have the potential to make someone's day. Even better, to make an unforgettable impact on someone's very life by just showing love. Guaranteed there are gaps in several people around each of us that are just waiting to be noticed.
Isn't that really just the easiest way to sum up our purpose? To live out what Jesus lived by example?
Be available to shower love.


Some heart may be longing for only a word,
Whose love by the Spirit is quickened and stirred;
Now grant, blessed Savior, this service to me,
Of speaking a comforting message for Thee.

"MAKE ME A BLESSING TODAY" BY IDA TAYLOR 1899

Who am I?

Nothing like a vague opening title, right?

I woke up this morning with this blog on my mind. I have been reading other blogs lately which I find completely fascinating. In fact, I heard a guy last night who, when asked if he had a job, said, "I blog." Ha! That cracked me up. As if writing about thoughts and opinions qualifies as a career choice.
And yet the irony is that I, too, feel compelled to write. The words burn inside me and have to get out. I always thought I would write someday. Perhaps that novel is still in there somewhere, but for now, this is it.

Writing is a part of who I am.

And who am I exactly? I used to be known as Ralph and Linda's daughter until I became that smart little girl with glasses which led me to whatever I was in high school (please do not fill in the blank) and then Christian's wife, three kids' momma, a piano teacher, homeschool mom...
The list could go on and on.

But who am I deep, deep inside?

It's unfortunate to me that we are so labeled. As children, our parents dubbed us with labels according to characteristics they saw demonstrated. I was called a worry-wart, told I was just like my mom, and that I would never be a good kisser (don't worry, Amy, I forgave you a long time ago :o)
All these things it took me years to change my mind about. I can confidently say now that I haven't been a worry-wart for a very long time, I am nothing like my mother, and obviously Christian liked something about that kiss. But, I had to consciously choose to throw off those labels and determine who I wanted to be!

So these are some of the things I am and some of the things I am not.

Society tells us some of who we are. Our childhood tells us some of who we are. Our accomplishments tell us something about who we are. But underneath all of that who is in there?

One time a friend of mine and I were talking on the phone and she asked how I was. I answered with a litany of words telling all about what the kids were up to and how busy we were. She waited and then said, "I asked how you are!" I didn't even know how to answer that. I was so wrapped up in the identity I had created as a mom that I didn't even take time to think about Alison.
We are so talented at that. It is so much easier to lose ourselves inside busy-ness so that we don't even have to think about the big stuff. If I would have answered her honestly, my answer may have been much different. Can you imagine if I would have said, "Well, I got a horrible night's sleep because my dad drank too much yesterday and embarrassed me in public again and in my frustration I kicked the cat way too hard and then yelled at my family and cried myself to sleep."? That may have been what the true Alison felt on that day, but she was buried under a label and didn't feel safe coming out.

I tell my kids that they are not the sum of their mistakes. It's another lesson I learned the hard way. I may have been a pregnant teen at one point, but that does not define who I am. I am a young mother who allowed the power of God to change the course of my life and empower me to pour all I had into three precious people. There's that "perspective" again.

So how does one figure it out? Who am I? Introspection is a scary, scary thing. If I look too hard, I WILL see things that will require work. I firmly believe that God gives us opportunities to look. The tricky part is that those opportunities usually come through some type of pain or time of pressing.

The process of great pain has the potential to yield a precious harvest.
Ask the grape and the olive how they felt when pressed.

There is an upcoming blog post being birthed in me that will challenge me. I've known it's coming since I started writing. Perhaps that was why I have resisted writing. It will come on the 3rd anniversary of my dad's death in a few weeks. It is a story of my pressing.

In answer to my own question I refer to Scripture and Jesus' words. He asked a troubled disciple one question, "But who do you say that I am?"
I am just a disciple. I ask Him, "But who do You say that I am?" His is the voice I've learned to trust, cling to, and listen to above all the other clamor. His voice tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. He tells me that I am cherished and beautiful and loved. He tells me that I am worth His pain and that I am full of purpose.
And so very much more.

These are the lyrics to a song I learned once upon a time in Sunday School. It is who we are.

I'm a promise, I'm a possibility, I'm a promise with a capital "P"
I'm a promise to be, anything God wants me to be
And I am learning to hear God's voice, and I am trying to make the right choices
I'm a promise to be, anything God wants me to be
I can go anywhere that He wants me to go, I can be anything that He wants me to be
I can climb the high mountain, I can cross the wide sea, I'm a great big promise, you see.